After my post ‘Motherhood -sheer joy??’ I thought I better give you some background information about myself. The following is what I wrote in the “about” section of my blog:
I was born in Nigeria on a Leprosy mission settlement. By the time I was 26 years old I had moved thirty-four times and have lived in Namibia, Germany and South Africa.
I never wanted to get married and I never wanted children – I did not want to bring anyone into a world filled with hurt and pain and always felt I would prefer to remain single than be stuck in an unhappy marriage or divorced.
God, however, had a totally different plan for my life!
I have now been married for twenty-two years and have three daughters aged 18, 17 and 12. I had to grow into marriage ………and motherhood!
What I didn’t add was that my parents got divorced when I was twelve years old. From the age of 12 to 26 I saw my father six times. During this period he remarried but I only met his new wife when I was 19 years old. My mother also remarried. She married an alcoholic and I saw and experienced the damage and destruction that the abuse of alcohol can do to families. My mom divorced him. Subsequent to that she married two more times.
At the age of 12 I gave my life to the Lord. When my parents got divorced I turned my back on God and would no longer have anything more to do with Him until I reached my mid-twenties. From the age of 12 there was not much parental supervision in my life and I started drinking at the age of 16 and smoking marijuana at the age of 18. I joke with my teenagers that I never had a chance to rebel as a teenager because there was no parental authority to rebel against! I couldn’t even rebel against God because He no longer existed for me.
If I look back at my life and see the dangerous situations I put myself in with my drinking and smoking dope, I am truly awed that no serious harm befell me and I know it was only because God’s hand of protection was upon me. We serve a truly awesome God – even though I had disowned Him, He never ever let go of me. 2 Timothy 2:13 says “if we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself”.
When I was in my mid-twenties I started to go to church again and with great reluctance recommitted my life to God. I had no sense of self-worth, was filled with anger and self disgust at the way I had lived my life and struggled with the idea of having a loving Father as I seldom had any contact with my earthly father.
As I have stated before, I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to bring children into a world filled with hurt and betrayal BUT God had a totally different plan for my life, and I thank Him for that!
I struggled as a wife and a mother and out of sheer desperation I started to keep a journal, go on parenting courses and searched the Bible for advice on how to raise children. The journal was eventually published as a book “God’s Promise for Families”.
As a wife and a mother I have cried and laughed, I have despaired, been bored, been petrified, been happy beyond belief, been sad beyond belief – I have run the whole gamut of feelings that God gave us over and over again. I have spent hours on my knees and have developed an amazing relationship with God because I am forever seeking His face, His help and thanking Him for “restoring the years the locusts have eaten”.
I praise Him that the plans He had for me were for “good and not for evil” and that because of His grace in my life I can truly say that I love being married and I love being a mother!