For the past few weeks I have been suffering from  ‘spiritual malaise’. I love the word malaise as it describes exactly how I have been feeling – ‘dissatisfied, unhappy but feel unable to change, not knowing what is wrong’.

The past year and a half has been the most challenging time I have lived through thus far -illness, death, travelling, business and personal challenges.

I have lost all joy of life and I wake up facing a day of drudgery, filled with ‘struggles’ and a sense of hopelessness.

I have allowed these emotions to grow and take root and have put it down to the fact that I am tired, have had a stressful time and basically, I seem to be going from one ‘blow’ to the next.

And then this morning I read these words: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) AND it struck me that I am actually not suffering from ‘spiritual malaise’ but am in fact suffering from ‘self-pity’ which I have allowed to grow until it has infiltrated every part of my life. I have left my heart unguarded and allowed the world to creep in.

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” John Gardner 

My reality is no longer based in God but in my circumstances and feelings.
My spirit is in disagreement with God because I have begun to question ‘why me?’.  As Believers in an all-powerful God our question should be ‘why not me?’

We have no business as Believers to wallow in self-pity, in doubt, in fear, in worry.

We have the living Word of God which gives instruction and direction for each and every challenge or dilemma we may find ourselves facing – death, sickness, addictions, adultery, financial ruin, rebellious children…  If we would but open the Bible we would find guidance and a solution for everything we may be facing.

Lord, we pray that when we start to feel overwhelmed by the circumstances of life, we would turn to you in prayer.  We would seek your Word that we may gain understanding and instruction. Please forgive us, Lord, when we fail. Amen

About Noelene

I am a child of God's. I am also a writer. Mother Teresa once said "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world". My objective is to be one of God's love letters to the world. I can only achieve this through His grace at work in my life.
This entry was posted in Depression, God and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Susara says:

    I’m depressed bio polar going through a divorse I love my husband so much its 4months I’m praying to God the more I pray the more negative my husband gets


    • Noelene says:

      My heart aches for you. Divorce is heart rending and depression is debilitating. I pray that you will find someone who will be able to pray with you. God bless.


  2. What a life-changing revelation the Lord has given you regarding the self pity! May He lead you out of this pit and help you to overcome and find joy in Him once again.


  3. controversialchristian1 says:

    I feel the same too. I know God understands when we really suffer that we do get angry, kranky, resentful, hurt and our feelings towards Him and everyone else can become indifferent and embittered. I feel lost in these feelings at the moment and I feel completely broken.

    At times I’ve felt suicidal. Not nice. I wouldn’t wish what I’m going through on another living soul.

    Please pray for me. I cannot even cry anymore.


    • Noelene says:

      My prayer for you is that you will feel the tangible Presence of God surrounding you and comforting you during this time of darkness. May you move into the light knowing that you are a beloved child of God.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s