As a child of divorced parents, I spent many years believing that I was to blame for their divorce.
I also blamed God for not answering my prayer to keep my parents together. It was only as I grew older that I realised my parents divorce was their own decision and had nothing to do with God – His desire for them was to remain married but He gave us freedom of choice and they chose divorce. I also realised that the divorce had nothing to do with me. It was a decision they made independent of their children. The indescribable grief I felt when they got divorced eventually turned into anger and bitterness. I felt rejected and unloved, and had no sense of self-worth. This influenced the way I looked at life and the person I grew into.
The wonderful news for me and you if you are a product of a divorced or broken marriage is:
God has seen every tear that we have cried. In Psalm 56:8 it states:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (NLT)
Isn’t that amazing? God has seen and recorded every tear we have ever cried and with compassion in His heart He has collected those tears and kept them, and us, close to His heart.
Jesus came into this world “to BIND UP the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, ….to COMFORT all who mourn, and PROVIDE for those who GRIEVE…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of GLADNESS instead of MOURNING, and a garment of PRAISE instead of a spirit of DESPAIR” (Isaiah 61:1-3)
God is our HEAVENLY FATHER and Jesus our COMFORTER.
Divorce is a death – a death of the future as a family, the death of dreams that were dreamed, the death of the life your parents planned for themselves and for you. You need to grieve and acknowledge that pain but then you need to hand it over to God and ask Him to reveal to you His new plans for your life. Ask Him to give you new dreams to dream…
The sooner you start to forgive your parents and to hand your sorrow to God the sooner you will start developing into the incredible person God has made you to be.
As an adult I posted a poem, written by my sixteen-year-old self, entitled “I never knew you” to Facebook. Within days it had been shared numerous times and received hundreds of comments. I wrote it to my father but never sent it to him.
It captures the loneliness and pain of divorce and gives voice to how we, as children of divorces often feel and there is comfort in knowing we are not alone.
Always remember, however, that if you allow Him too, God will ‘bestow on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes’.
I NEVER KNEW YOU
Just because I’m not with you,
Does not mean I’m not here.
Just because I am a child,
Does not mean you can forget me.
I’ve got a right to know what you are doing,
I’ve got a right to expect to be loved by you.
I want to be part of your life,
I want to be needed by you.
But you will never need me,
You are too self-contained.
Just because I’m not with you,
Just because I cannot share your life,
Does not mean I don’t love you,
Does not mean I don’t need you.
Sometimes I watch a father and a child,
At something only they can see.
We will never be able to share that kind of feeling,
Because I don’t know you and you don’t know me.
And it’s too late now to understand each other,
Because when we meet,
We are strangers -and yet- you gave me life.
“The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces” (Isaiah 25:8)
Originally posted on CCE EXCELLERS: