“I am who I am, because of who we all are”

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Noelene

UBUNTU – HUMAN KINDNESS

“Ubuntu is the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can’t exist as a human being in isolation.  It speaks about our inter-connectedness.  You can’t be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole world. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity”  Bishop Tutu1 

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity. (Psalms 133:1)  
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in                       perfect harmony. (Colossians 3:14)

“We can be fully human only in community, where we commit ourselves to the well being of one another and engage with one another fairly with God’s help. To be a part of UBUNTU, human beings are not defined by race, but rather by being created in God’s image to share in community with all God’s people”.

Extract from “Spirituality with Style” by Pat M. Baxter
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This blog is a follow on to Suicide – I thought my love had your back covered and Suicide – two years prior

  1.  http://askubuntu.com/questions/424/what-does-ubuntu-mean
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WE WERE BORN TO SHINE

Posted on October 5, 2015 by Noelene

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you …the sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory” (Isaiah 60)

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HOPE

Posted on October 5, 2015 by Noelene

 

There is no stigma in suicide.  No one family is responsible for a death by suicide. Sometimes the depression is too deep, the darkness and hopelessness overwhelming BUT MAYBE if we spend more time with each other as a community, if we take the time to be more aware of each other, we can help lift the darkness a little bit.

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SUICIDE – Two years prior

Posted on October 4, 2015 by Noelene

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This past Thursday evening I attended my thirteenth consecutive Talent Show at the primary school where our oldest two children were pupils and where our youngest is still  a pupil. In 2002 our oldest daughter started school.  It was also the year our youngest daughter was born.

This past Tuesday I attended a memorial service for a fifteen year old who had committed suicide.  She had also been a pupil at the same school and as I watched our grade seven’s perform their traditional end of the Talent Show dance, I could not help but reflect that two years prior to this evening that fifteen year old was performing a dance in the same school hall on the same stage.  She was vibrant and full of life, just like the grade seven’s performing their dance in the video below.  Her whole life was ahead of her.  Just like the girls below.

How did we as a community allow this to happen?
How do we prevent this from happening to the children below?

Maybe we all need to take some time to reassess our lives.  Invite other families into our homes.  Go camping.  Eat meals together at the table.  Have family dates where social media is banned.  Play board games and charades.  Pray for each other.  Stop isolating ourselves from each other in our busyness.

There is no stigma in suicide.  No one family is responsible for a death by suicide. Sometimes the depression is too deep, the darkness and hopelessness overwhelming BUT MAYBE if we spend more time with each other as a community, if we take the time to be more aware of each other, we can help lift the darkness a little bit.

As believers we have a powerful weapon in prayer.  We need to take to heart the words in 1 Thessalonians 5:17

“pray without ceasing”

Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees. ~ Corrie Ten Boom

If you are considering suicide and even if you are not – please click on the following link.  The article is entitled “The morning after I killed myself”

 http://imgur.com/4swX4N1

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SUICIDE – “I thought my love had your back covered”

Posted on October 1, 2015 by Noelene

 

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Yesterday I attended a memorial service of a fifteen year old girl who had taken her own life.
As I was driving to the service I asked myself “where was God as she was dying”.
The answer came back very clearly “I, the Lord your God, was right there”.  I can only pray that she called on His name during that time of immense darkness and pain.

A friend put into words what I was feeling:

“The most frightening thing about this death is the fact that it could be any of our own children”

This family is not alone in their pain and their grief and their feelings of guilt and disappointment, anger and hurt – this could happen and has happened to anyone with children.  Suicide impacts all our lives.
Kay Warren, whose son took his own life had this to say about suicide:

“It is a catastrophic grief. It’s messy, not a clean grief.  There is so much guilt:  Almost everybody ends up feeling at some point, could I have stopped it?  Should I have done more? It is exhausting:  this kind of grief is hard work.  It is lonely and isolating being a parent of a child who has committed suicide.  It opens up other un-grieved, un-mourned and incomplete losses”

The loss of a child to an accident or an illness is hard enough to bear but to think that your child willingly took his or her own life is almost unbearable. That, they were in a place of such darkness that your love could not reach them, is unthinkable.

The father of this fifteen year old said to his daughter at her memorial service:  “I thought my love had your back covered”

As parents we long to believe that our love has our children covered but often depression hides that love from our children.  Depression is not a sign of personal weakness it is a very real illness and sometimes, even when the depression is being treated with medication and therapy that is not enough to lift the darkness and pain.  Chemotherapy and radiotherapy are sometimes not enough to heal the cancer, just as medication and therapy is sometimes not enough to heal the depression.
This beautiful child’s life and her dying has reminded me of the following:

Life is fleeting, treasure every moment
Love broadly, love deeply
Keep perspective – ask the following question “in one year, five years, ten years time – is this really going to matter?”
Look after your body and your mind
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to others
Laugh with passion
Cry
Don’t judge
Don’t criticize
Cultivate compassion and generosity
Pray without ceasing to the God who created us
Learn to be quick to forgive yourself and others

Rick Warren, the husband of Kay said:  “I never questioned my faith in God. I questioned God’s plan. There’s a big difference. I know God is a good God. … But not everything that happens in the world is God’s will. Everything that happens in the world God allows, He permits, because it couldn’t happen without His permission. But we live in a world where there are free choices, so if I choose to do wrong, I can’t blame God for that. So God isn’t to blame for my son’s death. My son took his own life. It was his choice.”

Process your regrets and your guilts and then let them go.
Trust in God “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”  (1 Peter 5:10)

Above all – LIVE

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DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

Posted on September 27, 2015 by Noelene

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What an amazing feeling it is to walk into a book store and see one’s own book on the shelf! Exclusive Books, King Shaka Airport, Durban, South Africa.

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“Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.…” Psalm 37:3-5

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Mindful Contemplation

Posted on September 21, 2015 by Noelene

We have neglected the habit of the mindful contemplation of our reality, disconnecting ourselves of the things in life that truly matters. Change that now!

Source: Mindful Contemplation

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FAITH IS A DOING WORD

Posted on September 19, 2015 by Noelene

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God has placed a very special man in my life.  His name is Randall Oliphant and he is married to another good friend of mine, Clarrisa. Randall embodies the following verse for me:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up… (Ecclesiastes 4:9,10)

There is an old proverb that says “it takes a village to raise a child” and Randall and Clarrisa have been part of our village for the past fourteen years.

One of the village children!

One of the village children!

Randall has also been a role model to me about what it is to be a child of God.  Recently he sent me the following email:

James 5:16… The earnest prayer of a righteous man prevaileth much…..

Driving down the road one day, pondering an upcoming change in my life, I found that I was afraid. It really wasn’t a major thing but it felt like it to me. God spoke to me that day and simply said, “Pray about everything. Fear nothing”. He showed me He couldn’t work through my fear, but if I would give Him my FAITH, He would HELP me in my situation. I NEEDED it that day for something seemingly minor, but I have used it MANY times since, for ALL TYPES of situations. Isn’t it GOOD to KNOW that God CARES about EVERYTHING that concerns us, even the little things we’re afraid of. Our part is to PRAY and have FAITH , and God’s part is to PROVIDE the POWER to MEET our need. What do you NEED TO PRAY about today? Have FAITH that whatever you may need, God WILL PROVIDE. He WILL meet you at the point of your NEED , not your wants, but your need. So my friends, PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING. Enjoy a supernaturally blessed day as a citizen of Daddy’s Kingdom that will never be destroyed. Love you and God bless. Faith is a Doing word.

Randall has had an incredible journey!  He has struggled all his life with weight issues and in his  own words  “As an adult, having ultimately attained the official stage of Obesity, l could no longer find clothes to fit me. When l did find something that l could fit into, the fabric was always in bad check colour or for a much older person. This gave me a feeling of immense inferiority”. One day after being bed ridden for days he realised that  he had hit rock bottom and  death would be the ultimate price he would pay for his lifestyle if he didn’t take control of his life immediately.  He says the following about that time:

With the support of friends and family, both emotionally and financially, l joined up with the Bariatric Clinic at Kingsbury Hospital as well as a Support group. During my time there, l realized that so many other obese, super sized and out-sized people experienced the same trauma and emotion l experienced when having to purchase clothing. It was then that Big Man Clothing was ‘born’. I decided to explore the possibility of designing and producing clothing for bigger sized people. The clothes would be tailor made to the individual’s measurements using attractive and good quality material, whilst still being affordable.

And this is where my admiration for this man really began.  Instead of sinking into self-pity and disillusionment he claimed the following verse as his own:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)  AND “Big Man Clothing” was born.

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As Randall says “There is no-one better equipped to design clothing for supersized people than someone who has been obese for the majority of their life.”

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Randall has used the negative in his life to encourage other folks with addictions and, in the process, also makes sure that they are beautifully and stylishly dressed.

http://www.bigmanclothing.co.za/

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DON’T GET MARRIED!

Posted on September 7, 2015 by Noelene

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I asked my husband what advice he would give, in hindsight and with twenty-three years of married life behind him, to a young couple contemplating marriage.

His reply: “Don’t get married!”  (He assured me he was only joking!)

There is a great deal of truth in that answer, however.

If you are not prepared to compromise—don’t get married.

If you are not willing to give up some of your dreams so that your spouse can fulfill some of their dreams—don’t get married.

If you are not going to be able to forgive, seven times seventy (actually make that an infinity number of times) your spouse, when they do something wrong—don’t get married.

Some other questions you need to ask yourself before you get married are:

  • What if four years down the line, my spouse is involved in an accident and loses a limb, his/her eyesight, is paralyzed and no longer has the capacity to earn a living or have sexual intercourse again—will I be able to stay with them for the next fifty years, be willing to be the sole breadwinner, give up my dreams of having children?
  • What if a mother or father-in-law (or both) is forced to come and live with you due to a change in circumstances—will you be able to live with that till the end of their lifetime?
  • What if you discover that one of you cannot have children—are you prepared to adopt?

Think about these things carefully. If you have any doubts at all about answering yes to any of these questions—don’t get married or at least postpone the marriage whilst you think about what your life would be like if any of the above scenarios occurred. Life happens and it seldom turns out the way we visualized or dreamed about.

There is a song by The Dubliners entitled “Don’t Get Married Girls” and the second verse goes like this:

So don’t get married, girls.  It’s very badly paid.
You may start off as the mistress, but you’ll end up as the maid.
Be a daring deep sea diver.  Be a polished polyglot,
But don’t get married, girls, for marriage isn’t hot.
Have you seen him in the morning with a face that looks like death,
With dandruff on his pillow and tobacco on his breath?
Still he needs some reassurance with his cup of tea in bed,
‘Cos he’s worried ‘bout the mortgage and the bald patch on his head,
And he thinks that you’re his mother, lays his head upon your breast,
So you try to boost his ego, iron his shirt, and warm his vest.
Then you get him off to work.  The mighty hunter is restored,
And he leaves you there with nothing but the dreams you can’t afford.”

The above may be humorous but it is quite a realistic reflection of what married life is like at times.

We don’t always look our best. We wake up with smelly breath.

We worry about the mortgage. We need reassurance. We have dandruff.

We have to give up quite a few of our dreams.

The wonderful news, however, is that if you love someone, truly love them, if you are committed to someone, truly committed  you will be able to accept all of the above and continue to love each other through everything.

1 Peter 4:8 states:

  Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

And that is marriage in a nutshell—love deeply, love passionately, love with a view to the future.

I was once asked,

What feeling does the word ‘home’ invoke in you?”

My first thought was Steven, my husband! The word home represents a place of safety, acceptance, warmth love, and security. I find all these things with him and in him. Throughout our relationship, in between the bouts of hurt and pain and not talking to each other, once we have sought God earnestly in prayer He has given us the ability to love each other even though we may not have  liked each other at times.

If you both commit to pray with each other and to read the Bible on a daily basis, God will enable you to overcome all obstacles that may be put before you and you will have an amazing marriage!

Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/2015/08/dont-get-married/

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THE LOST VISION

Posted on September 7, 2015 by Noelene

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This was posted to Facebook a while back:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from when we are born and only stops when you take a test or talk to someone attractive.

The second part of this quote certainly applied to the Biblical Samson. Before his birth an angel of the Lord appeared to his mother and told her the following:

No razor may be used on his head, because the boy is to be a Nazirite, set apart to God from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines. —Judges 13:5

When Samson was older he developed a penchant for attractive, deceitful woman. He went into town one day and saw a young Philistine woman and immediately decides to marry her. At the beginning of the seven days wedding feast he gives a riddle to thirty Philistine men. They go to his prospective bride and threaten to burn her and her family if she does not get Samson to divulge the answer of the riddle to her. Instead of confiding in Samson, she nags and nags him till he eventually gives in and tells her the answer. She immediately betrays him to her fellow Philistines.

To cut a long story short, Samson never gets a chance to consummate the wedding because the Philistines end up burning his wife and her family any way!

Sometime later he falls in love with a woman named Delilah. The Philistines approach her and ask her to find out from Samson what the secret to his strength is. They promise to pay her for this information. So, just like his first wife, she nags and nags him till he finally tells her that his strength lies in the fact that no razor had ever touched his head. Prior to this, however, he had given her a few other reasons – to be tied up with new ropes, to have his hair braided and tightened with a pin to a loom – when he fell asleep she did these things and then woke him and told him “the Philistines are upon you” but he easily broke free.

What a prime example of someone whose brain stops functioning when talking to someone attractive! He has already been betrayed once before by a woman nagging him for an answer to a secret and he, yet again, gives in to another woman who nags him.

The rulers of the Philistines paid Delilah in silver and she calls a man to shave Samson’s hair whilst he is asleep on her lap and when he awakes his strength has left him. The Lord has left him.

The Philistines gouge his eyes out and take him captive. A while later, Samson is brought to the temple as entertainment for the Philistines and he prays to God to grant him the strength to push the temple pillars down. God answers his prayer and Samson, together with about three thousand Philistines, are crushed to death as the temple collapses.

The saddest part of Samson’s story is the fact that we will never know the full vision that God had for his life. Because of his penchant for deceitful women, women who did not serve the Lord, we have forever been denied knowing the plans that God had for Samson. We will never know what Samson’s future would have been.

This is the same in every Christian marriage that ends in divorce. We will never know the vision that God has for that marriage, for the children of that marriage, because the vision and plans that God has for the family suddenly comes to an abrupt end and a new vision has to be found.

I once went numb with horror one day when I realized that if my husband and I had gotten a divorce as we were planning too, our youngest daughter would never have been born. The vision that God had for this child would never have materialized and what a waste that would have been.

Divorce, however, is not the end.  God can and does give a new vision for your life if you seek Him.  Jeremiah 29:11 says,

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” He continues “then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

In other words God will give you a new, beautiful vision for your life.

A friend of mine who discovered her husband was having an affair gave everything she had to  save her marriage. In the end her husband decided he wanted a divorce. This is what she had to say:

I know God called me to stay and fight for my marriage right up
Until my husband asked for a divorce – that’s the moment God released me.
I am at peace with that; I could have done no more and was wholly obedient to Gods will.
I have such faith that what God has is abundantly more than anything I could hope for or imagine.

What amazing words and what wonderful assurance that God has a new vision for her life.

If you are struggling in your marriage, if you are considering divorce think about the vision and the future that will be lost. Try and find the original vision that you had for your marriage and ask God to restore that image to you and your partner.

Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/

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