SUICIDE – “I thought my love had your back covered”



Yesterday I attended a memorial service of a fifteen year old girl who had taken her own life.
As I was driving to the service I asked myself “where was God as she was dying”.
The answer came back very clearly “I, the Lord your God, was right there”.  I can only pray that she called on His name during that time of immense darkness and pain.

A friend put into words what I was feeling:

“The most frightening thing about this death is the fact that it could be any of our own children”

This family is not alone in their pain and their grief and their feelings of guilt and disappointment, anger and hurt – this could happen and has happened to anyone with children.  Suicide impacts all our lives.
Kay Warren, whose son took his own life had this to say about suicide:

“It is a catastrophic grief. It’s messy, not a clean grief.  There is so much guilt:  Almost everybody ends up feeling at some point, could I have stopped it?  Should I have done more? It is exhausting:  this kind of grief is hard work.  It is lonely and isolating being a parent of a child who has committed suicide.  It opens up other un-grieved, un-mourned and incomplete losses”

The loss of a child to an accident or an illness is hard enough to bear but to think that your child willingly took his or her own life is almost unbearable. That, they were in a place of such darkness that your love could not reach them, is unthinkable.

The father of this fifteen year old said to his daughter at her memorial service:  “I thought my love had your back covered”

As parents we long to believe that our love has our children covered but often depression hides that love from our children.  Depression is not a sign of personal weakness it is a very real illness and sometimes, even when the depression is being treated with medication and therapy that is not enough to lift the darkness and pain.  Chemotherapy and radiotherapy are sometimes not enough to heal the cancer, just as medication and therapy is sometimes not enough to heal the depression.
This beautiful child’s life and her dying has reminded me of the following:

Life is fleeting, treasure every moment
Love broadly, love deeply
Keep perspective – ask the following question “in one year, five years, ten years time – is this really going to matter?”
Look after your body and your mind
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to others
Laugh with passion
Don’t judge
Don’t criticize
Cultivate compassion and generosity
Pray without ceasing to the God who created us
Learn to be quick to forgive yourself and others

Rick Warren, the husband of Kay said:  “I never questioned my faith in God. I questioned God’s plan. There’s a big difference. I know God is a good God. … But not everything that happens in the world is God’s will. Everything that happens in the world God allows, He permits, because it couldn’t happen without His permission. But we live in a world where there are free choices, so if I choose to do wrong, I can’t blame God for that. So God isn’t to blame for my son’s death. My son took his own life. It was his choice.”

Process your regrets and your guilts and then let them go.
Trust in God “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”  (1 Peter 5:10)

Above all – LIVE

About Noelene

I am a child of God's. I am also a writer. Mother Teresa once said "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world". My objective is to be one of God's love letters to the world. I can only achieve this through His grace at work in my life.
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11 Responses to SUICIDE – “I thought my love had your back covered”

  1. Gertie says:

    As someone who has tried to take their own life multiple times, it saddens me when a young person takes their lives. The thing that puts a knot in my stomach is that this is in “Gods plan.” I don’t understand why God would allow anyone to die by suicide much less attempt to die by suicide. Free will isn’t free will if God knows that its going to happen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Noelene says:

      Thank you for reading the blog and commenting. I don’t believe it was God’s plan at all either. I did not want to edit the quote though because I felt it needed to be read in it’s entirety.
      I believe that God’s plan for each one of us is for good from the time we are born. He, however, created us with freedom of choice and minds of our own. We can choose to follow Him, believe in Him or not. It is entirely up to us. He wanted to have a relationship with us so did not create little robots but people who could interact with Him. Due to circumstances in the past, bad decisions by our forefathers (just look at what we have done to our beautiful world with the pollution we create and the fact that we are using up all the natural resources) and also our own poor life choices that puts us in the painful situations we often find ourselves in. It has nothing to do with God.
      Thank you for sharing about your struggles and as I read your blogs I am overjoyed that you are finding hope and using your experiences to help others. Empathy is an incredible gift.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Gertie says:

        Thanks for commenting. I enjoy your blog immensely. I appreciate that you share your faith without shame.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Noelene says:

        Gertie, God’s grace abounds in my life. There is a verse in the Bible that states that those who have sinned much are forgiven much – I experience God’s forgiveness and His love for me on a daily basis and my heart’s desire is that others will come to experience His love as well in a practical way. I have a relationship with Him that is not based on religion for which I am so thankful.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Susan Winter says:

    Thanks Noel – I have printed the last part and stuck it in front of me at work! Perhaps her tragedy will indeed work to the glory of God if we are just reminded how to live this life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jenny says:

    This is very beautiful and very true. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: SUICIDE – Two years prior | UNDER A JUNIPER TREE

  5. Pingback: “I am who I am, because of who we all are” | UNDER A JUNIPER TREE


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