Now that I have your attention, the full heading should read: SEX IS GREAT… WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE.

One of my favorite bumper stickers reads:

“God invented safe sex. He called it marriage”

There are some really good practical reasons why sex should only take place within the boundaries of marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:9 the apostle Paul is speaking to the unmarried and widows and says this “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” The Weymouth New Testament translates that verse as follows “If, however, they cannot maintain self-control, by all means let them marry; for marriage is better than the fever of passion.”

I think ‘fever of passion’ sums it up beautifully. We love our spouse to be and long to share everything with them, including our bodies, and sometimes it feels like we have a fever because we are burning with desire for our partner! When we have sexual relationships outside of marriage we leave ourselves vulnerable to contracting AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies which often result in abortion or adoption which can leave both partners emotionally and mentally scarred for life.

Pregnancy, outside of wedlock, also impacts the child for life. The fetus either doesn’t have a chance to live, in the case of abortion, and in the case of adoption there is a child who is forever wondering who their parents and grandparents are and whether they have brothers and sisters. And they are also forever plagued with the question of why? Why did their parents give them away? What were the circumstances of their birth?

A child born outside of wedlock is known as an illegitimate child but I think the U.S. District Court Judge, Leon Yankwich, summed it up perfectly when he said:

There are no illegitimate children – only illegitimate parents”

If you and your partner are both believers and are having a sexual relationship outside of marriage – know one thing:

This is not God’s plan for your lives.

The sin of disobeying God’s commandments will have a detrimental effect on your relationship with God, with each other, with your church family and with your birth family.

I have a friend who was very active in the church and who loved the Lord. Her boyfriend also loved the Lord and worshipped in the same church. They were both students and wanted to complete their studies before getting married. They belonged to a church that taught that sex should be kept for marriage, but the two of them reasoned that as they were going to get married one day anyway, they would just use contraception methods.

She fell pregnant.

They were absolutely mortified and horrified. They did not want a baby at that stage of their lives. They were extremely angry at God for allowing this to happen. Their anger and blaming God carried on for a while until a minister gently pointed out to them that if they had followed God’s commandment of ‘no sex before marriage’ in the first place, there would be no pregnancy.

If we choose to ignore God’s commandments we will have to face the consequences.

They got married, had the baby, were bitterly unhappy for a few years and then got divorced.
This friend knows she has been forgiven and God has undertaken for her and the baby in a wonderful way but she lives with a sense of deep sorrow knowing that the life she is living now, alone with her child, is not the life that God had planned for her, her ex-husband and their child.
Yes, He has provided and undertaken for them, but she has been left with her dreams lying shattered and in shards in the past. They were just too young at the time, she gave up her studies and had to find work once the baby was born and their marriage was overwhelmed by their anger and regrets.

She told me the other day that what should have been three of the most wonderful days in her life, had been the most bitter. The day she found out she was pregnant, the day she got married and the day her baby was born. She cries for her child who was born into an atmosphere of tears, guilt, hurt and regret instead of having the news of his conception and subsequent birth being met with joy and love and laughter.

The consequences of having a sexual relationship outside of marriage can be huge. Remember that God is the One who invented safe sex and named it marriage.

Originally posted on

About Noelene

I am a child of God's. I am also a writer. Mother Teresa once said "I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world". My objective is to be one of God's love letters to the world. I can only achieve this through His grace at work in my life.
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