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ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL TOOLS IN YOUR MARRIAGE
The most difficult and challenging thing I have ever done in my life is to stay married. The second most difficult and challenging thing I have ever done is to have children.Both of these life events have also been filled with extreme joy, peace and happiness as well as horrific sadness, many, many tears and the sure knowledge that if I did not have Jesus Christ in my life I would not have survived either!
In his book Letters and Papers from Prison, Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes one of the most incredible statements about marriage I have ever read:
Marriage and not just your love for each other makes you husband and wife in the sight of God and man. It is not your love which sustains the marriage, but from now on the marriage that sustains your love. God makes your marriage indissoluble. He protects it from every danger from within and without. God is joining you together; it is His act, not yours.”1
For me, it was an incredible revelation to realize that on the day my husband and I took our vows before God, we were in fact declaring that our marriage now belonged to God.
In that very moment, God, Himself, sanctified our marriage.
Sanctification is brought about through the redemptive work of Christ and the work of the indwelling Holy Spirit. Redemption means deliverance from the enslavement of sin and release to a new freedom.
In other words, God was releasing us from our pasts as individuals and joining us together in Him.
For those of us who worry that our past behaviors, mistakes, sins will follow us into our marriages and that we will repeat the same mistakes in our marriages that we have repeated in our past relationships, take note of the following!
If we believe in Christ and have confessed any wrong behavior/attitudes to our prospective spouse and to God, and have asked forgiveness for our sins then the following words erases our negative behavior of the past and we need not fear the future.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that God was reconciling the world to Himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them.” —2 Corinthians 5:17-19
A husband and wife can start their married lives together with their pasts wiped clean, and they can look forward to a future not marred by the past.
Always bear in mind that it is not your love which sustains the marriage, but “the marriage that sustains your love.”
Love is an emotion and like any emotion—joy, anger, sorrow—it tends to fluctuate.
Love is an emotion and like any emotion—joy, anger, sorrow—it tends to fluctuate.
There will be times when you will be disappointed in your spouse, when you will be angry and hurt, when you will think to yourself “Why did I marry him/her?”
Sometimes, the struggles and conflicts within a marriage, can continue for weeks and it is at these times that you need to remember that your marriage has been sanctified by God and that you need to continue to pray and trust that God will equip you to deal with whatever issues may arise.
Oswald Chambers said the following:
To say that ‘prayer changes things’ is not as close to the truth as saying ‘prayer changes me and then I change things.’ God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person‘s inner nature”.2
Every Christian marriage, where, a couple are committed to each other, enjoy each other’s company and are content within that marriage has its roots in prayer.
Prayer can make your marriage a happy one. Prayer can heal marriages. Prayer can restore marriages.
Prayer in a marriage is a very powerful tool.
1.Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Letters and Papers from Prison.
2.Chambers, Oswald. My Utmost for His Highest; Selections for Every Day.
Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/2014/11/the-most-powerful-tool-in-marriage/
2.Chambers, Oswald. My Utmost for His Highest; Selections for Every Day.
Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/2014/11/the-most-powerful-tool-in-marriage/
BABY RABBITS GROWING!!
Watching our rabbit give birth and raise her babies has been an incredible experience. One that just had to be shared!!
Snowy giving birth on the 17th October 2014.
.Nine days old.
Dad, Frodo, relaxing on a chair in the lounge
A month old.
WISH WE COULD KEEP THEM!!
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER (A SECOND REMINDER!)
Yesterday I was walking down the street and I passed a couple who had various body piercings and tattoos. My first reaction was to scowl at them, because to me, it just does not look right and I feel that they are ‘defacing’ the beautiful bodies God has given them. That is my personal opinion. My reaction reminded me of a few years ago when God taught me a major lesson about how easily we judge things and people by their outside appearances. I had just climbed off a plane in Birmingham, England, and was waiting, along with a 100 other people, for my luggage to appear on the carousel belt. I was on the opposite side of the carousel from where the luggage first appeared. The 4th item of luggage to appear was a big black suitcase that was ripped at the sides and held together by ugly brown sticky masking tape. As I watched its progress along the carousel the following thoughts were going through my mind:“I wonder how someone who can’t even afford a decent suitcase can afford to fly?”
“I would be so embarrassed to acknowledge that as my suitcase!”
“I wonder how the person who owns that suitcase is dressed?”
As it drew closer to me I saw that it had exactly the same stickers that I had on my suitcase and then I saw my name on the identity tag and purely out of instinct I reached out and lifted it off the carousel belt. To compound my embarrassment I didn’t even have a trolley so I couldn’t put the suitcase on a trolley and cover it with my hand luggage! I had to pull this broken, wonky suitcase that was held together by ugly brown tape all the way through the airport. People stopped to stare at me as the wheel mechanism was also broken and it was making an awful racket as I pulled it along. I was mortified as I could just imagine what people were thinking!
In Matthew there are two very challenging verses “Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1,2) and John 7:24 says “Stop judging by outside appearances…”
My suitcase was filled with beautifully wrapped presents, chocolates and decent clothes.
Judging by the appearance of my suitcase you would have thought it was filled with rags.
Often things happen that are beyond our control – I had put a big, black suitcase in good condition onto the airplane in South Africa and had received a damaged and torn suitcase, covered in tape in England. Somewhere in transit the suitcase was badly damaged and yet the contents were unharmed and, thank God, nothing was stolen.
Judging by the appearance of my suitcase you would have thought it was filled with rags.
Often things happen that are beyond our control – I had put a big, black suitcase in good condition onto the airplane in South Africa and had received a damaged and torn suitcase, covered in tape in England. Somewhere in transit the suitcase was badly damaged and yet the contents were unharmed and, thank God, nothing was stolen.
The friends I was visiting have a son whose body is covered in tattoos and he has various piercings on his face and body. Judging by his appearance you would think he was a delinquent who took drugs and was on the dole because he had never completed his education. In fact the truth is, he has never taken drugs, has a steady job,earns a good income and is one of the kindest, politest and honest people that I have ever met. I love him dearly and yet if I didn’t know him and saw him walking towards me on the street I would cross over to the other side…………..!
My oldest daughter who is now working has also had a few piercings done. I struggle with it because it is something I would never do but she thinks they are beautiful. These piercings have not changed her at all. She is still the beautiful, compassionate, caring and humorous person she has always been. These piercings may affect how she looks on the outside to a small degree but they have certainly not changed what she is like on the inside.
The couple smiled and greeted me in a friendly way as we passed each other in the street and I was reminded again of that old adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover”.
I was also reminded of the words that Jesus spoke when the woman caught in adultery was brought to Him (John 8). The punishment for adultery was for her to be stoned to death. Jesus said to the crowd:
“If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Posted in Daughters, Motherhood
Tagged daughters, judging others, Love, piercings, tattoos
9 Comments
WHO’S THE BOSS?
In the early days of our marriage my husband would jokingly quote the following portion of scripture to me “wives submit to your husbands”.
I would just smile quietly and tell him to go and read the rest of that scripture!!
“wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord”.
Contrary to popular belief, the Biblical meaning of submit does not mean ‘to obey, give in to, have to serve’. The true meaning of the word submit “describes the Christian grace of voluntarily yielding one’s preferences to another” it does not mean to obey.
“The Greek word for “obey/obedience’ is hupakoe, which means to listen to or to harken to. Submission (hupotasso) means to get under and lift up, or to put in order. It does not mean obedience.”1
Our duty as wives is to encourage our husbands, to love them, to support them and lift them up.
The Biblical duty for husbands entails far more. When husbands finally read further after the ‘wives submit yourself to your husband’ part, this is what it says:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her… in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church…” (Ephesians 5)
A husband needs to treat his wife exactly the same way he treats himself. He needs to feed and care for his wife, he needs to love his wife as Christ loves His people.
Jesus embodies the word love. Love is patient, love is kind, love is not rude, love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.
A husband is commanded to love his wife in exactly that manner! I am not sure how marriages, where partners do not know the Lord, survive. Surely, it is only with God’s grace and His love flowing through a husband’s life, that a man is able to love his wife as Christ has commanded.
I am so thankful that I was born a woman!
It states in the same passage that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church”.
In any organization or business there has to be someone who is ultimately in charge of the business, someone who can take command and lead and make a decision after consulting the relevant people in the business.
This is exactly the role of the husband – if you disagree on a course of action in your marriage, or both have strong, opposing feelings about a decision that needs to be made – it is the husband, who after consulting, discussing and praying the matter over with his wife, then has to make the final decision about the situation.
If you are living and loving each other in your marriage as Christ has commanded you must, it will not happen often that you will reach a point in your marriage when the husband has to make the final decision. You will generally be ‘giving in/compromising’ with the one who is the most passionate about something.
My husband and I have been married for over twenty-two years now and in all these years there has only been two times that we have really disagreed over something and not been able to compromise on it and he has had to make the final decision.
Writing this has brought to mind an incident that happened when our middle child was about six years old. I was hosting a tea party for a group of moms and we were gathered around the kitchen table and at one point the topic of conversation turned to “who wears the pants in the house – the wife or the husband”. There was a vigorous discussion around this point and our Amy just happened to be walking through the kitchen at the time. One of the moms turned to her and asked “So, Amy, who is the boss in your house?”
She stopped in her tracks and answered “God!” and kept going.
I thank God that her father and I have been able to be a witness to her that neither the wife nor the husband ‘lords it over the other’ but that the ultimate authority in a Christian marriage is God.
1. godswordtowomen.org/submission.htm
MOTHERHOOD AND PRAYER
One of our main ministries as mothers is to pray for our children continuously. I think it was Billy Graham’s wife, Ruth, who, when asked how she had managed to raise five children with her husband being away so often answered, “On my knees.”
When I felt like a failure I needed to realize that no matter how many times I blew it, or rather, blew up, God sees my heart and its desire to raise Godly children, discern for them while they are young what His vision is for them, and enable and encourage them to discover their gifts in Him. This can only be done through prayer and reading His Word.
Extract from “God’s Promise for Families”
JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE SO CUTE!
Our second litter of babies – nine days old today!
The proud mother having a break!
PSALM 111:2
Great are the works of the Lord
MARRIAGE AND A SILVER TEA POT CONTINUED ………
The actual title should be ‘Marriage and a Silver Tea Pot from a Man’s Point of View Told by a Woman!’
In my post (https://noelene2014.com/2014/10/02/marriage-and-a-silver-tea-pot/) I stated that “life is not fair” because I felt that I had to compromise far more than my husband ever had too in the early years of our marriage. On reading the article my husband, Steve, said, “That brings back memories of me always having to be on my guard about what I said to you in those early days”.
I had very little sense of self-worth and struggled with feelings of inadequacy and would often perceive his comments to me as being critical or hurtful when that was not his intention at all. He could have gotten totally fed-up with me being so sensitive all the time but instead he chose to be careful about what he said to me and the tone in which he said it. It was not easy because he has a wonderful sense of humor and would often joke about things and I would get upset and withdraw from him and not speak to him for a few days!
Steve had to compromise with himself about speaking openly and honestly to me in case I took offense. He was a living example of the verse in 1 Peter 4:8:
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins (wrong attitudes, mistakes)”.
He chose to be patient with me and to continue to love me despite the way I behaved towards him.
I thought it would be interesting to ask some men what they compromised about in the early days of their marriages and their answers have left me with a deep admiration for their honesty and their incredible love for their wives and families. They also chose to compromise because they loved.
Angus Campbell said,
One of the important things about compromise is that it’s not necessarily only about one person compromising for another to enable a positive outcome in the home. It can also be about one person in the marriage compromising with self when faced with choice. So in my example I had to do just that when needing to prioritize the things that were most important to me in building a marriage and family that I wanted.
I was a professional footballer and football was always a big part of my life even before marriage. Problem with that passion of mine is that it put a lot of distance between myself and family. I came to realize that in my list of priorities, Berna and the family needed to be number 1. That was according to my goals for the family. I made the tough choice to turn my back on the pro game and rather give myself more time to be at home. One of the wisest trades I made with myself and I live with no regrets and a marriage and home that has strong foundations and good walls. Still working on the roof and interior decorating but that will be a never ending story.
I guess that what I am saying is that compromise to build a marriage does not always require a trade between both parties. There are many times that out of necessity the trade is and should be with yourself if you are honest and courageous enough to go to that dark space.”
Randall Oliphant said,
My wife and l had a fairly long courtship before we got married and thus l was of the opinion that we knew each other fairly well. However, in the first few years of our marriage we did not set apart a special time to talk and map our way forward. Challenges were created by this but looking back now, that is what we should have done.
One of my greatest comprises l experienced was Consideration. l am by nature a very spontaneous character and so friends and social activities were just pounced onto my wife without considering any circumstances or emotion or tiredness she may have felt or experienced. As an unmarried couple, we were extremely busy with many social engagements and had absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever except to get up for work the following day. And without any thought l expected this to continue. God blessed me with an absolutely Amazing Life Partner and in her wisdom and patient manner, she brought certain realities to my attention. I was in fact so shocked to realize that we definitely were not living in a ‘Get up and Go’ environment any longer.
The other major compromise l had to make was to accept that even though l was always my wife’s prime consideration and she always made me feel like l was the ‘King of her Castle’, l was rudely awakened to the fact that when our son was born, he immediately occupied a huge part of her Heart and time. This became a huge problem for me as it started to affect our ‘intimate time’ and l started to retrieve to a very lonely period of my life. Questions like ‘why did l even commit to the institution of marriage when l am not able to experience the benefits and blessings thereof?’ Is my spouse even aware that she had moved me into another chamber of her heart? By nature l simply hate to be confrontational and as such l bottled up all these emotions within me, not even attempting to convey my feelings and emotions to my spouse. My wife literally breathed Baby and Home and what’s for supper and Pediatrician appointments and her whole world revolved around all of those factors. My response was simple, l ploughed all my time into my work and the Family business at the time with long hours which ultimately rendered me completely fagged out and ready to sleep at the end of a day. Fortunately an opportunity arose where we found ourselves in a space where we could have a meaningful conversation and a platform for us to express what we were feeling and because our relationship had a good foundation of 7 years courtship, we both realized that we were, in fact, just considering our individual needs and not the needs of us as a couple. It meant compromise on my part and a broader understanding of the overall needs of the family and our home and the realization of the responsibilities l had, not only as a Husband, but also that of being a Father.”
Suffice it to say that these men embody the following:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
There are many times that out of necessity the trade is and should be with yourself if you are honest and courageous enough to go to that dark space.”
Originally posted on http://www.startmarriageright.com/2014/10/marriage-and-a-silver-tea-pot-continued/
Posted in Marriage
Tagged compromising, forgiveness, God, grace, marriage, Relationships
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The saying “BREED LIKE RABBITS?” …….Well, it is so true!
Seeing as this is a blog about ‘motherhood’ I thought I would share with you – yet again – that our rabbit has become a mother for the second time in short succession!
Our first litter was born on the 16th September and exactly 31 days later (the gestation period for rabbits) our second litter was born! We did separate the dad from the mom when we discovered the first litter but obviously not in time!!
Our 31 day old babies
Our new babies, an hour after birth
Our babies at two days old
The rabbits certainly took to heart God’s command of “Be fruitful and increase in number…..” (Genesis 1:22)
“HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS”
I was once asked the following question: “What feeling does the word ‘home’ invoke in you?” My first thought was Steven, my husband! The word home represents a place of safety, acceptance, warmth, love, and security. I find all these things with him and in him. In turn, I am my children’s home while they are little, and I pray I will remain so until they are old enough to find their own definition of home.
At this time in their lives, their father and I are their physical and emotional home. We are their safety and security, a safe haven for them to find refuge. The adage “Home is where the heart is” definitely resonates with me.
On a daily basis, I become more aware my spiritual home is God and I can only pray my children will also make their spiritual home with Him. In turn, Jesus says He will make His home with us.
In John 14:23 Jesus says, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” Again in Revelation 21:3-4 “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes”.
How comforting it is to know God dwells within each one of us and He cares so much for us; He will wipe every tear from our eyes. On a more practical level I strive to make our house a home – a place of safety, comfort, cleanliness, and welcome. (Note: cleanliness and not tidiness!)
Extract from the book “God’s Promise For Families”
Image courtesy of google
UNDER A JUNIPER TREE 