For the past few weeks I have been suffering from ‘spiritual malaise’. I love the word malaise as it describes exactly how I have been feeling – ‘dissatisfied, unhappy but feel unable to change, not knowing what is wrong’.
The past year and a half has been the most challenging time I have lived through thus far -illness, death, travelling, business and personal challenges.
I have lost all joy of life and I wake up facing a day of drudgery, filled with ‘struggles’ and a sense of hopelessness.
I have allowed these emotions to grow and take root and have put it down to the fact that I am tired, have had a stressful time and basically, I seem to be going from one ‘blow’ to the next.
And then this morning I read these words: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23) AND it struck me that I am actually not suffering from ‘spiritual malaise’ but am in fact suffering from ‘self-pity’ which I have allowed to grow until it has infiltrated every part of my life. I have left my heart unguarded and allowed the world to creep in.
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” John Gardner
My reality is no longer based in God but in my circumstances and feelings.
My spirit is in disagreement with God because I have begun to question ‘why me?’. As Believers in an all-powerful God our question should be ‘why not me?’
We have no business as Believers to wallow in self-pity, in doubt, in fear, in worry.
We have the living Word of God which gives instruction and direction for each and every challenge or dilemma we may find ourselves facing – death, sickness, addictions, adultery, financial ruin, rebellious children… If we would but open the Bible we would find guidance and a solution for everything we may be facing.
Lord, we pray that when we start to feel overwhelmed by the circumstances of life, we would turn to you in prayer. We would seek your Word that we may gain understanding and instruction. Please forgive us, Lord, when we fail. Amen